


Forget your name (the love it takes) Forget your fear (to destroy a man)

by Velocity_Owl87



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Allusions to Infertility, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brother-Sister Relationships, Engagement, F/M, Genderswap, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Relationship(s), Sibling Love, Slice of Life, Uncle/Niece Incest, Unplanned Pregnancy, fem!Fili - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 08:59:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/733880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velocity_Owl87/pseuds/Velocity_Owl87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili has made her choice to be with Thorin and Kili, Dis and Thorin himself are left to tell the story of what comes after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forget your name (the love it takes) Forget your fear (to destroy a man)

**Author's Note:**

> A sort of sequel to "If We Are Together Again, Surely This will Never End." that has the focus more on the rest of the family and their reactions and feelings towards the situation, not all of it positive. Fili is seen through the eyes of everyone else because I wanted to explain why things would go the way they would through the other characters, rather than being filtered through her all the time. 
> 
> Beads-Are like contracts in dwarf culture and given for many different instances and the gems also have different meanings depending on the settings and patterns. 
> 
> Kili, in my headcanon is the better hunter and the barterer while the rest of the family are craftsmen and all have their own area of expertise in this also. 
> 
> Equinoxes/Solstices-Made sense to use these as time markers, since the actual canon is steeped in Pre-Christian lore, anyways.
> 
> Song title is from Star's "The Night Starts Here" and as always, it is edited, but if mistakes show up, my apologies.

_Kili_  
  
He was too sleepy at first to notice the stilted interactions his sister and their uncle were having in the morning. He had never been a morning person and his mind was full of the hunting that he was going to do that day. He had been told that there were bucks in the forest and he was keen to get at least one. He knew he could do it too. He wanted the meat for the winter and the pelt for some crafting supplies.  
  
Fili's name day was four moons away, on the Midwinter Feast Day and he wanted to give her something special. He already had the silver and a couple of the stones he had in mind, but he needed a sapphire that was almost the same shade as her eyes and he was sure that Bofur had something suiting he would be willing to trade if the incentive was right enough.  
  
He was awake enough to mutter a thanks when Fili put down a bowl of oatmeal and a mug of tea in front of him before sitting down to her own. Their mother was the last one to sit down. Kili expected that they would simply eat and then get on about their day. Just like they always had.  
  
He thought later that it would have if it hadn't been for their mother's exclamation.  
  
He was awake then and surprised at seeing his usually composed mother exclaiming over a bead that was in Fili's hair. He squinted at it as it was held up to the light and he frowned. He had seen that bead before. It was unusual enough to have stuck in his mind.  
  
It was made of mithril, he recognized the shininess of the metal that put even the most polished white gold to shame. He also remembered the dark blue of the stones that were set into it. Sapphires that only were in his mother's and his uncle's beads to make up the crest of...  
  
His eyes widened and he looked over at his uncle, who was watching the proceedings with hooded eyes. Only the tight grip on his mug gave his feelings away. Kili looked closely at his uncle's hair and noted that bead was missing. A particular bead that he never spoke of, but would always tell Kili that he would teach him how to make it eventually.  
  
"So you have decided that it is to be your uncle?"  
  
Dis asked her daughter, her voice wavering with emotion as she spoke. She had let the braid fall and was looking at Fili, who was now sitting closer to Thorin. Her face was flushed, but she nodded firmly that was to be the case.  
  
Kili's eyes widened and he felt as if he had been dealt a blow. When had it happened? When had his sister given her love to their uncle? He knew that other dwarrows had designs on his beautiful and brave sister. Some of them had even asked him for permission to start calling on her, rather than risk the wrath and refusal of Thorin.  
  
He hadn't given any answers and he hadn't thought about it seriously. Fili, as far as he was concerned, was his sister and not a lass out to be courted. Fili had been the one that took care of him and Thorin when Dis was busy. The one that crafted the finest knives and was brutally efficient with axes and swords when they both could escape the house to go hunting.  
  
As he looked at her again, with her flushed face and the love that shone from her eyes as she looked at their uncle; he realized he didn't know much else about her. What she hoped for. What her dreams were. Who she had her heart set on.  
  
Or who really had their heart set on her.  
  
Well, he amended when he watched how his uncle's face softened when he looked at Fili, he knew that now. He could see that they loved each other. It was plainly obvious now that he knew what to look for.  
  
"Thorin, brother. She is still young. Maybe in a few winters-"  
  
"I'm of age." Fili interrupted, her face going an even darker shade as she spoke, making her mother's eyes narrow.  
  
It was then that Kili belatedly realized why Fili had been so furtive when he caught her burning some bloodstained rags. He had assumed she had just gotten injured while crafting or practice. Not once would he have thought that those rags would have anything to do with how angry their mother looked at that moment.  
  
"Why didn't you say anything? Why lie about such an important thing?"  
  
"Dis, does it matter now? She is to be my wife."  
  
Kili's eyes widened at his uncle's words. He never thought that his uncle would ever be married. Not when Erebor was still lost and they had been wandering for so long. Also, the fact that he had never seen him display any kind of attachment to any females other than his mother and Fili...it surprised him that his sister was the final choice.  
  
Dis' mouth thinned and she sighed as she ran her hand through her hair.  
  
"She's my daughter, Thorin. Not that you aren't a good dwarf, but she is young enough to find someone else. Also, you do remember that we need alliances if Erebor was ever to be our home again. Dain needs a wife."  
  
Dis pointed out and Fili's face went from white to grey and Kili couldn't blame her. Dain was a distant cousin, but he could bring an army if he was married to Fili. They needed an army to get back home.  
  
But Kili knew that the cost would be too high. He loved his sister and he loved his uncle. He had doubts that Dain would treat her half as well as his uncle would.  
  
"And he'd claim the throne through Fili. You know he would and at least we know that uncle loves her and wouldn't treat her badly."  
  
He wanted to sink into his seat when everyone looked at him after he had spoken. His uncle didn't say anything right away, only raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement. But Fili flashed him a grateful look and he was glad that he had interrupted.  
  
Dis sat quietly, letting the silence that had fallen after her son's words stretch until she finally nodded.  
  
"Kili doesn't speak any lies, but I cannot give my blessing just yet."  
  
She stood up, leaving her breakfast untouched and turned to her daughter.  
  
"I need time to accept that my daughter wants to marry my brother. I'm sorry, I want what's best for you, my daughter and I am not quite sure that this it."  
  
She looked at her brother and her mouth thinned and Kili could see the beginnings of tears in her eyes, so like Fili's.  
  
"I'm sorry, brother. Excuse me."  
  
She left before Thorin could say anything, leaving them alone at the table.  
  
Fili slumped and Thorin rubbed his beard before coming closer and wrapping his arm around Fili, who took the proffered comfort with an alacrity that she had never displayed with Kili.  
  
Kili felt slightly jealous at the sight, but tamped the feeling down. He never had designs on his sister, but it bothered him that he wasn't the one that she turned to for comfort any longer. He also didn't want to make her feel any worse about the situation and as always, she was his sister. He would always be there for him, because that was what siblings did, no matter what.  
  
He picked up the honey pot and drizzled some onto his oatmeal, stirring it as he thought about what he wanted to say to them until he finally shrugged his shoulders and decided to just go for it.  
  
"If it counts for anything, you have my blessing."  
  
He knew it was the right thing to say when Fili's eyes filled with tears and his uncle gave him one of his rare smiles.  
  
 _Dis_  
  
She sat on her bed, a box of her carefully guarded jewels from Erebor open in front of her. She held the bead that her own husband had given her many years ago and rolled it back and forth between her thumb and forefinger as she thought about her daughter and brother's betrothal. The motion made the grass green stones flash and flare, but she ignored the sight as she sat and contemplated the present rather than sit and dwell on the past.  
  
She wasn't against it on the basis of Thorin being bad for Fili. Thorin was a good man and had done more than his share to keep their people together a roof over her head and the children's heads during all the time that they had spent in their exile. He had been the reason why she hadn't needed to marry. Nor could she have, after the children's father had died in that raid.  
  
She pressed the bead to her lips as she thought about him. She had loved him with an intensity that still scared her to think about. He had been the one and that had been it. Maybe, if things had gone differently, she would have looked for a husband to ease the loneliness and to help support their household.  
  
But Thorin had stayed and had become the father that Fili and Kili needed. He had helped so much after, when Kili had just been born and sickly and took up all of her attention and care. Fili had been easy to take care of, but Dis would admit that she would have been sorely neglected if Thorin hadn't taken over parenting duties and made sure that she was well taken care of.  
  
Perhaps, Dis thought, that was when it had all started.  
  
If her husband hadn't died and if Kili hadn't needed so much attention, would Fili have picked someone else to marry? Would she have gone out more like the other dwarrow girls and accepted tokens from the others? Or would she have still ended up accepting her uncle's suit?  
  
Dis put the bead down and sighed.  
  
She would never know why her daughter had decided on Thorin. Why she had given her heart to a hardened dwarf with so much responsibility and ghosts haunting him. A dwarf that felt he had to take on the burdens of a scattered peoples and not take his own needs and wants into account.  
  
Her eyes widened and she groaned when the thought passed.  
  
She had been a fool. A selfish and short-sighted fool.  
  
Fili loved him. She had seen that much before she had left the breakfast table. Thorin also loved Fili. There was no doubt in her mind that he would be good to her. He had always taken care of her and as Kili had shrewdly pointed out, Thorin wouldn't ever sacrifice Fili for his own ambitions as others surely would.  
  
He had gone through so much. He at least deserved some happiness.  
  
She put the bead back in the box and rummaged around for a bit before she finally found the bead she had forged so long ago when Fili had just been born. A twin to the one her husband had given her, so that she could remember the same happiness at her own betrothal.   
  
She still wasn't completely happy with the situation, but she could accept it and eventually, come to be happy for her daughter and her brother.

But right now wasn't the time and she wasn't sure when it would be. 

  
 _Thorin_  
  
"Have you told anyone at the forge or in town?" Dis asked him three moons or so later when Kili had taken Fili for the last hunt of the season. This left the house quiet and also gave them time to do last minute work for the gift giving at the Midwinter feast that would be coming up in a week.  
  
They had stocked up the pantry for the winter, with Kili's last three hunting trips, but Thorin had asked for his nephew to take Fili out before the winter got too harsh for anything to be out. At least, that had been the reason he had given. Luckily Kili had been too enamoured of the idea of hunting with Fili and hadn't questioned the reason. Fili herself had only smiled at him and gone to fetch her swords and axes, no other thoughts in her mind except for the hunt.  
  
Thorin shook his head. "Not yet. I wanted to wait for Spring to announce it, so we can hold the ceremony then."  
  
Dis frowned, put her tools down and looked up from the beads she was crafting for sale at the market.  
  
"Why wait so long to announce it? Have you-"  
  
Thorin shook his head and raised his hand to still his sister's rising temper. Despite her slow acceptance of his and Fili's betrothal, she had gotten used to the idea and he was positive that she would hurt him in painfully creative ways if he ever broke Fili's heart. Something that he wouldn't even dream of doing.  
  
"I've gotten some news about Erebor and I will be expected to make a decision and an announcement about it sometime."  
  
Dis frowned and sat back in her chair.  
  
"So you will go and leave her a widow before she was even a wife?"  
  
Thorin laughed shortly and nodded towards the beads that he was crafting.  
  
Dis's eyes widened when she recognized the patterns and the colours of the stones that Thorin had spent the morning so carefully setting.  
  
"Is she sure?"  
  
Dis asked, her voice a rough whisper as she stared at the beads with their red and green gems that would be threaded into Fili's and the dwarrow's hair once it was old enough.  
  
"We didn't want to share the news until it was safe to do so. I think the dwarrow will be born around the Equinox. There's no question of me leaving her to be a widow with a fatherless dwarrow. Erebor will be there even after. Fili and the dwarrow may not."  
  
Dis tore her eyes away from the beads and moved towards her brother, who was watching her warily as she approached him. Although his expression was calm, his eyes betrayed his anxiety.  
  
He knew that she had still withheld her blessing and even though the idea of Fili and his union had become easier to bear, she still didn't completely approve. So he was wary of how she would react now that she was aware of his and Fili's latest secret.  
  
Dis though, remained quiet as she put her hands on his shoulders and looked at him straight in the eyes before she spoke.  
  
"It should have been given before, but I needed to be sure that you would treat my daughter as she deserves."  
  
Thorin's eyes widened, but he remained still as his sister traced the runes of the blessing upon his forehead.  
  
"My blessing is freely given, Thorin Oakenshield."  
  
Thorin's throat went dry as he lowered his head. Dis let go of him and stepped back in time, for that was when the kitchen door opened to reveal Kili carrying a deer and Fili right behind him, both of them wearing hoods covered in snow.  
  
Kili's voice filled the kitchen and the deer was thrown on the table, prompting Dis to fetch the butchering implements. Fili, meanwhile, had dumped her axes onto the stone worktop to clean and sharpen.  
  
She pushed her hood off and turned her head to look at Thorin, grinning all the while.  
  
It was then that Thorin noticed the bead threaded in the braid hanging right by her face. It flashed a bright grass green as she moved and Thorin was finally able to swallow and move toward her, wrapping her up in his arms and burying his face in her hair.  
  
End.

**Author's Note:**

> Thorin here does want to take back Erebor, but since Dwarrows have such low fertility rates and Fili getting pregnant so quickly is a fluke, he will stay with Fili over going on the quest and risking losing her or the dwarrow. 
> 
> I know that fannon has the dwarves being pregnant for a year, but that's just not feasible (would anyone WANT that?), so here, they get 8 months of gestation.


End file.
